Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Journey To Colder Climes....and back!

The good news,

I had Fish and Chips, gluten free, at a wonderful small place, for the first time in 10 years. There were 2 gluten free beers available, but I don't drink.
Strolled through History and art museums and galleries ad nauseum.
Visited with old friends and relatives.
We bought a new table for our living room at a wonderful place called Renovation Hardware.
On our way back, spent a nice evening at a B&B called Iris, in Ashland OR (see photos)
Was introduced to Bubble Teas.
ALMOST got stuck in snow trying to get to a viewpoint.

The bad news,
While playing fetch with my step sisters dog, Jazzy, he injured himself to the extent that he will probably have to be put down. (Torn miniscus both rear legs) I feel TERRIBLE! We didn't play that hard, honest!
Got ANOTHER cold!

Monday, January 22, 2007

Why we even polish the bottom of the fire engine

New longer, but better title.

We polish the bottom of our fire engines for the same reason your mom told you to always wear clean underwear.

This is old, but I had forgotten about it.

Question for the ages

Is that Lonely Repairman lonely because he's TOO DAMNED EXPENSIVE? Just a thought that occured to me when our 20 year old dryer died one day before a week long visit to the Land o' Ports.
Actually, it didn't die a totally natural death. It started with what I interpreted as a death rattle. (Frayed belt OR bad bearing on an idler arm) These being things I used to be able to do, I attempted entry during halftime of a playoff game. Now it's dead. So the question becomes, repair or replace? The local appliance store is closed on Mondays. Our dolly is at my mom's house which is scheduled to be fumigated today. But I just CAN'T dump money into a 20 year old dryer. So it's out the door at 6:30 am, get dolly, then to Home Depot by 7:30. They carry two models of THE BRAND, but only one (maybe) instock. So off to Lowe's, they don't seem to carry electric dryers. And everything takes 7 days. What's up with THAT? Drive in commute traffic to SEARS? Why not? Get there at 8:56, wait, 9 am not open, no signs as to when they DO open, anywhere.
Back to Home Depot, they do indeed have my second choice in stock. Buy,load drive home, uninstall old dryer. Spend 30 minutes trying to get old cord off due to nuts being inaccessable. How did I get them on? New dryer uses screws, but only gives me two of needed three. Dig through jar of old screws. (Watch your filthy mind!) Go to attach vent, can't find clear instructions in manual, call Home Depot, third person I talk to says "I dunno" and gives me THE BRANDS hotline number. Wait on hold FOREVER, finally get a person who disconnects me. Go to THE BRAND.com find downloadable installation instructions which are not any clearer. Attempt half ass hookup, which fails.
FINALLY use a flashlight to peer into the innards and able to figure out how vent hooks up.
6 hours 20 minutes. I guess this is what it means to be a guy. Sometimes I'm a smart feller other times a fart smeller.
Now it's $30 to have the waste hauler haul it, or $10-20 to take it to the dump myself, well, I have a week to think about it.

Another subject, I think I'm OUT of poop stories. As to why I seemed to have so many, I think it's because of my agedness. So if you don't have any or many poop stories, they lie in your future, lucky you. I hope to not accumulate anymore.

Saturday, January 20, 2007

Pains of parenting

It's a painful time when your little one starts testing her independence, taking chances, and making friends you don't approve of.

Soon they're looking anywhere for their next drink...

And they end up passed out in a gutter

Friday, January 19, 2007

Poop stories

One of my new favorite blogs made the point that basically poop stories are popular. Then at another new favorite site, "Norman" had a pretty good body fluid story. Both of which reminded me of a Fire department poop story.
Background- Most departments work a 24 hour shift, changing at about 8am. The oncoming shift, after coffee and conversations spends an hour or two cleaning the station. So you're cleaning someone else's mess. There is pressure to NOT leave too much of a mess, The alternative, always threatened, is to get up extra early and clean the station before you leave.
At some point, the waking shifts began finding the primary toilet unflushed every morning. Nobody seems to have said anything, but certainly there must have been suspects. (Since it wasn't being talked about, nobody realized it was happening on ALL three shifts. One morning, a shift awoke to find a runny pool of excrement IN FRONT of the toilet, with shitty footprints leading to a shower stall. So NOW they're ALL talking about it. WHO DID IT! And nobody was going to clean it up, because that would be confessing! 8am is approaching, the oncoming shift hears about it, "well somebody damn sure better clean it up, we're not going to do it!"
Finally, Ed, one of the best, most consciencious guys I ever worked with, who also had cooked a very spicy meal the evening before, cleaned it up using the bath towels provided by a towel service. The "used" towels were put in the hamper by the back door for pick up.
The story has two lines at this point.
First part, the oncoming shift had a "Good Ol' Boy" captain who liked to work on his car after hours. Typically, when called for dinner, he would walk in the back door, grab a used towel to wipe his face and then his hands so he didn't soil the bathroom sink too badly with grease etc.
Need I say more? I would would have been off on stress disability. As it was, I almost had to go home because my sides hurt so much from laughing.
Second Part, Now that we're all talking, it becomes apparent that "The Mad Shitter" is not from within. Suspicious looking feces have been found outside on nights when the front door was locked. (It was a simpler time) The captain, now highly motivated to capture the fiend, sets a trap. He goes to Radio Shack, and get a motion detector and rigs the alarm to a light by his bed. The front door is left unlocked, at about 5am, the motion detector is tripped. Forces are gathered, a little time passes. The assembled firefighters rush into the bathroom and find the paperboy, with his pants down, taking a dump. It seems the lad had issues. He was hauled away by the PD. We had a new paperdelivery person after that.

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

Traitors in our midst

Since I read THIS, it all becomes a lot clearer.

The following is unrelated feline cheesecake.

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

Lily meets Charlie

You'll have to trust me on this one. A better photographer would have gotten more of Charlie. I THINK I can see a leg.

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

Full Disclosure

In the interest of full disclosure, and because a reader of this blog, (33.3% of my readership) witnessed it. Charlie the Seagull, let me feed him a hot dog 1/1/07, in front of a bunch of people no less.

Monday, January 01, 2007

Jeep Jerky

My Esteemed Deceased Stepfather, a man of many talents, was a hunter. He took great pride in his marksmanship, his respect for, and safe handling of guns. For many years he was a member of a hunting group that had exclusive rights to hunt on a large private land holding in Northern California. He was basically unavailable on weekends and holidays during deer season. There was a cabin that was used as a base of operations where large quantities of food and alcohol were prepared and consumed. Pranks were played, and stories spun, boys being boys.
The hunting was done from jeeps in very steep terrain. One year, EDS, while in the back seat of the jeep, spotted a large buck down in a ravine. The brake was set, EDS stood in the back, braced himself on the roll bar, took careful aim through the powerful rifle scope, gently squeezed the trigger until the rifle fired. Still looking through the scope, he saw the buck look up, then prance away unharmed. His hunting buddies started laughing. The bullet had struck the front edge of the red jeep's hood.
EDS's stepson, moi, has been known to file away stories like this for future use. As Christmas approached, I had an idea. I went to a local body shop and obtained a crumbled piece of red sheet metal from a smooshed vehicle. I cut it into strips, wrapped them in tissue paper which I put in a nice box. I then created a label announcing EDS Jeep Jerky! 100% of your daily iron intake in one serving. You shoot it you eat it. And then there were various testimonials from celebrities talking about the wonderful qualities of the product. It was wrapped up real nice and given as a Christmas present. It was a conversation piece for some time to come.