Thursday, September 28, 2006
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
Perils of grazing
By way of background, 90% of Fire dept calls are medical in nature. The reason the fire dept responds on medical incidents is that the response time is almost always much faster. Often the incident is not a true emergency, but the law is that we cannot leave a patient until we have turned them over to an equal or higher medical authority.
So the story I heard was an engine company late at night/early morning standing by with an elderly gentleman who needed to be transported, but the ambulance was substantially delayed. As they are waiting, the captain spots a bowl of peanuts on the nightstand. He's hungry, what would it hurt to have a couple of peanuts? He has a few, then a few more. Soon, they are all gone. Chagrinned he confesses to the old man. "I'm sorry, I've eaten all your peanuts. I just couldn't stop eating them"
The old man is not upset and tells the captain, "That's ok, I know what you mean, but I can't chew them anymore, I can only suck the chocolate off them"
So the story I heard was an engine company late at night/early morning standing by with an elderly gentleman who needed to be transported, but the ambulance was substantially delayed. As they are waiting, the captain spots a bowl of peanuts on the nightstand. He's hungry, what would it hurt to have a couple of peanuts? He has a few, then a few more. Soon, they are all gone. Chagrinned he confesses to the old man. "I'm sorry, I've eaten all your peanuts. I just couldn't stop eating them"
The old man is not upset and tells the captain, "That's ok, I know what you mean, but I can't chew them anymore, I can only suck the chocolate off them"
Step dad stories- #1
My Late Step Dad and my late mom dated from when I was in my teens until my mid twenties. This must have happened in the early '70's. LSD had an apartment in a damp heavily wooded area. A common date for the two of them would be for my mom to drive to his "Batchelor pad" (complete with bear skin rug) for a steak and mushroom dinner in front of a roaring fire. There may have been intoxicating beverages served somewhere in there.
At the end of the evening my mom would drive home and call to assure LSD that she had made it home safely. In the interim, LSD would clean up. On this one particular evening apparently on the way from the dining area to the kitchen LSD spotted a stray mushoom sliver on the floor. Never one to waste good food, he bent over and popped it into his mouth and chomped down on it.
Now those who live in damp woodsy areas might be familiar with this denizen. In terms of taste, a mushroom it ain't! As added incentive to NOT chomp down on these there must be a gland that secretes the slime they lay down. Said slime apparently clings quite well to the insides of ones mouth. It sounds as if it resists brushing by toothbrush and must be scraped manually.
This children, is why we don't eat off the floor!
Although there are several more Late Step Dad stories, this one has reminded me of a Fire dept urban legend type story.
At the end of the evening my mom would drive home and call to assure LSD that she had made it home safely. In the interim, LSD would clean up. On this one particular evening apparently on the way from the dining area to the kitchen LSD spotted a stray mushoom sliver on the floor. Never one to waste good food, he bent over and popped it into his mouth and chomped down on it.
Now those who live in damp woodsy areas might be familiar with this denizen. In terms of taste, a mushroom it ain't! As added incentive to NOT chomp down on these there must be a gland that secretes the slime they lay down. Said slime apparently clings quite well to the insides of ones mouth. It sounds as if it resists brushing by toothbrush and must be scraped manually.
This children, is why we don't eat off the floor!
Although there are several more Late Step Dad stories, this one has reminded me of a Fire dept urban legend type story.
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
Saturday, September 23, 2006
Traveling stories- warning! not for the squeemish!
A blog I read had a piece on "Potty Humor" recently. This triggered a 20 year old memory of a trip to China.
Tourism was still a new thing there when we went. The year before, our american guide had had to spend some nights with her group in army barracks because the hotels were not yet finished.
The hotels were finished, but you could not drink water from the tap when we went. You were given a thermos of hot boiled water you could cool and drink. Toilet facilities in the hotels were very nice, but you wanted to take care of THAT in the hotel, not anywhere else. Facilities elsewhere consisted of some form of slit trenches .
About 5 days into our 3 week trip, we were on a scenic boat tour of the Li river. This is famous for the views of the limestone Karsts (sp?). Very nice except for the temp and humidity (both hovering near 100). The trip included lunch which consisted of steamed fish caught fresh out of the river. The same river with the scenic water buffalo pooping and little naked kids wading.
All the meals we had on the trip were lavish, and there was always something on the table we had not had before. Apparently there was a little something extra this time.
Now is the time for the squeemish to bail.
O M G !
The funniest part of what followed was about 3 days later in Bejing. I was NOT feeling well, but here we were, probably never to return. We were scheduled for a visit to parliament, the Forbidden City and Mao's Tomb. As we approached Mao's Tomb, our jocular guides became VERY serious. There was to be NO joking, smiling or disrespect of ANY kind. This was the most reverred site in China. Indeed, the line of Chinese was 5 abreast and about 300 yards long. As guests we got in ahead of everyone. Just about the time I got to Mao's body, with armed, stern looking guards on each corner, bowel control became a major issue. I started sweating profusely, and had to resort to butt cheek muscles to avoid soiling myself. And I'm stuck in line.
When I finally get out of the building I scan the horizen for facilities. The nearest building is the Forbidden City about 500 yards away. With a very funny looking "walk" I scurry for the nearest door. I enter, looking for ANY kind of facility. I eventually find a nicely tiled room with a colorful tiled slit trench with running water, noisy running water. There were "stalls" of a sort, with typical metal dividers, except they were only about 18" high. These turned into my savior. I had recovered enough to realize there was no toilet paper. (But I had brought 2 packs of Kleenex) and more importantly, if I squatted in the usual position I would likely leave the room with pants of a different color than when I entered. (Perhaps a brown paisely)
So I devised a strategy of keeping my legs forward and leaning back by hanging onto the divider.
I'm sure it looked amusing, fortunately I was alone. (The sounds may have warned people against entering)
I ate nothing but rice for a week. The other thing I learned belatedly is that if you take A LOT of Pepto Bismol, it turns your tongue black. It took a day or two to realize the cause (read the box, duh) before I realized it wasn't just another punishment from a vengeful Gob.
I have found that the worst of times make for the best stories.
Hmm, that reminds me of a story about my late step father...
Tourism was still a new thing there when we went. The year before, our american guide had had to spend some nights with her group in army barracks because the hotels were not yet finished.
The hotels were finished, but you could not drink water from the tap when we went. You were given a thermos of hot boiled water you could cool and drink. Toilet facilities in the hotels were very nice, but you wanted to take care of THAT in the hotel, not anywhere else. Facilities elsewhere consisted of some form of slit trenches .
About 5 days into our 3 week trip, we were on a scenic boat tour of the Li river. This is famous for the views of the limestone Karsts (sp?). Very nice except for the temp and humidity (both hovering near 100). The trip included lunch which consisted of steamed fish caught fresh out of the river. The same river with the scenic water buffalo pooping and little naked kids wading.
All the meals we had on the trip were lavish, and there was always something on the table we had not had before. Apparently there was a little something extra this time.
Now is the time for the squeemish to bail.
O M G !
The funniest part of what followed was about 3 days later in Bejing. I was NOT feeling well, but here we were, probably never to return. We were scheduled for a visit to parliament, the Forbidden City and Mao's Tomb. As we approached Mao's Tomb, our jocular guides became VERY serious. There was to be NO joking, smiling or disrespect of ANY kind. This was the most reverred site in China. Indeed, the line of Chinese was 5 abreast and about 300 yards long. As guests we got in ahead of everyone. Just about the time I got to Mao's body, with armed, stern looking guards on each corner, bowel control became a major issue. I started sweating profusely, and had to resort to butt cheek muscles to avoid soiling myself. And I'm stuck in line.
When I finally get out of the building I scan the horizen for facilities. The nearest building is the Forbidden City about 500 yards away. With a very funny looking "walk" I scurry for the nearest door. I enter, looking for ANY kind of facility. I eventually find a nicely tiled room with a colorful tiled slit trench with running water, noisy running water. There were "stalls" of a sort, with typical metal dividers, except they were only about 18" high. These turned into my savior. I had recovered enough to realize there was no toilet paper. (But I had brought 2 packs of Kleenex) and more importantly, if I squatted in the usual position I would likely leave the room with pants of a different color than when I entered. (Perhaps a brown paisely)
So I devised a strategy of keeping my legs forward and leaning back by hanging onto the divider.
I'm sure it looked amusing, fortunately I was alone. (The sounds may have warned people against entering)
I ate nothing but rice for a week. The other thing I learned belatedly is that if you take A LOT of Pepto Bismol, it turns your tongue black. It took a day or two to realize the cause (read the box, duh) before I realized it wasn't just another punishment from a vengeful Gob.
I have found that the worst of times make for the best stories.
Hmm, that reminds me of a story about my late step father...
Friday, September 08, 2006
They always say to start with the airway first? (ABC's)
But I'm not sure this is what they had in mind.
Monday, September 04, 2006
Posterity
This is something I seem to have been learning about since my very first job in manufacturing where I redid a process to be more efficient, thinking "wow" I've done something that will last a long time. It lasted about 3 months after I left.
Years later, I was working at a fire dept with a wonderful old guy, John O'Rielly. He was nearing retirement, yet he was still ONLY a firefighter. There was a lot of turnover in that dept, so I was an Engineer in 2 years. John was happy as just a firefighter. He was happy to work in dispatch, which the young guys (I was one once) hated.
I like to think we were friends. Once, out of the blue, he gave me a paperback book called "Paso Por Aqui" It's a western themed book. John was an Old West buff, even though he had been raised in San Francisco.
I've read it a number of times over the years. It has to do with one's redemption and legacy.
I think the only meaningful legacy one is likely to leave are the relationships we have with people. John died within a year of retirement. I never saw him again after his last day at work, I was always going to drop in, but didn't.
Still, I tried to leave a mark. The picture is of a small "Zen" bridge I built for the backyard of my last station. It was right ourside my window. I'm sure it will only last until it is old, weathered, and no one remembers who made it, then it's the dumpster for sure. Being ok with that is another lesson.
The ceramic FF figure was done by my beautiful bride.
Saturday, August 26, 2006
Amazing!
When asked about what he's been doing the last nine months, Jake replied, "Man, this is a REALLY slow read!"
One more prank story
For those who need some visual stimulation, here is a picture we took in Giverny in May.
Despite the underwhelming response to previous prank stories, I have saved one of the best for the last.
Once again Capt Randy is the victim. Capt R had a pickup with a lumber rack that had a cracked weld. The bed was filled with pine needles. Engineer Don, a professional welder on his days off, was asked to reweld the joint. He was concerned about the proximity of the weld to the pine needles and asked Capt R to "Keep an eye on it"
It so happened that dinner that night included BBQ done on a charcoal Weber kettle BBQ. After the dinner was put on the table, the Usual Suspect (US) moved the BBQ to a spot behind
Capt R's pickup. He also replaced the nearest garden hose with one that was too short to reach. US then called home to have his wife call the station and say she lived in the apartment bldg behind the fire station, and that a pickup truck was on fire in our parking lot. Of course,
Capt R's seat at the table was closest to the phone. Meanwhile US snuck out and put some pine needles on the still hot BBQ.
Capt R answers the phone, turns beet red and runs out back, grabs the hose, turns it on, and runs toward his "smoking truck". The hose only makes it half way, and when he turns around he sees the crews watching with big smiles on their faces.
Despite the underwhelming response to previous prank stories, I have saved one of the best for the last.
Once again Capt Randy is the victim. Capt R had a pickup with a lumber rack that had a cracked weld. The bed was filled with pine needles. Engineer Don, a professional welder on his days off, was asked to reweld the joint. He was concerned about the proximity of the weld to the pine needles and asked Capt R to "Keep an eye on it"
It so happened that dinner that night included BBQ done on a charcoal Weber kettle BBQ. After the dinner was put on the table, the Usual Suspect (US) moved the BBQ to a spot behind
Capt R's pickup. He also replaced the nearest garden hose with one that was too short to reach. US then called home to have his wife call the station and say she lived in the apartment bldg behind the fire station, and that a pickup truck was on fire in our parking lot. Of course,
Capt R's seat at the table was closest to the phone. Meanwhile US snuck out and put some pine needles on the still hot BBQ.
Capt R answers the phone, turns beet red and runs out back, grabs the hose, turns it on, and runs toward his "smoking truck". The hose only makes it half way, and when he turns around he sees the crews watching with big smiles on their faces.
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
Yes, we take phone requests
This one goes out to Sheri.
I take this as proof that we can have peace in our time.
Saturday, August 19, 2006
Pranking on the fly
At the beginning of an afternoon with lots of small jobs that needed to be done around the firehouse, rookie FF Dickie was assigned to replace the shutoff valve under the kitchen sink since it was leaking. A new valve had been purchased for this. The job entailed turning off the water to the station, replacing the valve, and turning the water back on.
The line from the valve to the faucet was a compression type where you tighten a nut which compresses a fitting (rubber in this case) against the pipe. As a background, it should be mentioned that we had higher than normal water pressure in the firehouse.
Having replaced the valve, Dickie went outside to turn the water back on. When he returned inside, the water line had separated from the valve and water was shooting everywhere. He ran outside and shut off the water. He came back in, mopped up ALL the water, hooked up the line again, turned the water back on, came back and the line had separated again.
Back outside, water off, mop up water, hook up line again. He had to do this all by himself because everyone else was busy with other things. When he explained to Capt Geoff what had happened, Geoff asked him for the old valve so he could use it on the next rookie.
So although everything that happened was legitimate, Dickie THINKS its a prank!
The line from the valve to the faucet was a compression type where you tighten a nut which compresses a fitting (rubber in this case) against the pipe. As a background, it should be mentioned that we had higher than normal water pressure in the firehouse.
Having replaced the valve, Dickie went outside to turn the water back on. When he returned inside, the water line had separated from the valve and water was shooting everywhere. He ran outside and shut off the water. He came back in, mopped up ALL the water, hooked up the line again, turned the water back on, came back and the line had separated again.
Back outside, water off, mop up water, hook up line again. He had to do this all by himself because everyone else was busy with other things. When he explained to Capt Geoff what had happened, Geoff asked him for the old valve so he could use it on the next rookie.
So although everything that happened was legitimate, Dickie THINKS its a prank!
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
Spontaneous pranks
I have an affection for spontaneous pranks. Taking daily happenings and turning them into something "special".
One day a bulldog mix dog ambled into our firehouse only to be met by Capt Randy who took an immediate liking to the friendly slobbering dog. The dog walked all around the firehouse investigating all the nooks and crannies.
At the same time devious minds were plotting. One group set out seeking an old dried bit of excrement to be painted so as to look fresh, and then placed on Randy's bunk. I thought it needed a bit more pizazz. I took a spray bottle and wet the corner of my own bunk. When the time was right I yelled some profanities about the damn dog. Randy thought it was REAL funny until someone pointed out his bunk.
One day a bulldog mix dog ambled into our firehouse only to be met by Capt Randy who took an immediate liking to the friendly slobbering dog. The dog walked all around the firehouse investigating all the nooks and crannies.
At the same time devious minds were plotting. One group set out seeking an old dried bit of excrement to be painted so as to look fresh, and then placed on Randy's bunk. I thought it needed a bit more pizazz. I took a spray bottle and wet the corner of my own bunk. When the time was right I yelled some profanities about the damn dog. Randy thought it was REAL funny until someone pointed out his bunk.
Monday, August 14, 2006
Feline fisticuffs and pranks part deux
Michaela has shown us some moves that are reminiscent of Ali. Her 3 or 4 lightning fast 1-2 combinations would have us dazzled if she didn't follow up with a Tyson like head chew. I don't know where she picks these things up.
Picking up our prank story...
Capt Randy, having dedeuced a probable suspect (PS), hatches a plan. PS gets wind of the plan. The next time PS is in the toilet stall, Capt Randy will dump a large pot of water over the top of the stall onto PS. PS steals Capt Randy's firefighting boots, puts them in front of the toilet, locks the door and crawls out. PS has a co conspirator inform Capt Randy than PS is in the stall. After the water has been dumped, and Capt R yells "Gotcha you B...........d!", PS comes up behind him and says "Watcha doin' Randy? Say...aren't those YOUR boots?"
Picking up our prank story...
Capt Randy, having dedeuced a probable suspect (PS), hatches a plan. PS gets wind of the plan. The next time PS is in the toilet stall, Capt Randy will dump a large pot of water over the top of the stall onto PS. PS steals Capt Randy's firefighting boots, puts them in front of the toilet, locks the door and crawls out. PS has a co conspirator inform Capt Randy than PS is in the stall. After the water has been dumped, and Capt R yells "Gotcha you B...........d!", PS comes up behind him and says "Watcha doin' Randy? Say...aren't those YOUR boots?"
Sunday, August 13, 2006
Pranks
We've left the time of cute kitten delirium and have entered the "Watch the lamp!" survival phase. One of the results of this is that my mind is somewhat clearer for non kitten posts.
By way of background, I am retired from a Fire dept. Some of my favorite memories revolve around pranks. Most of the best of those revolved around a Capt we'll call Randy. I only did a very few minor annoyances on Randy myself. We had several people, who if a living could be made perpetrating pranks, would have been millionaires. So many elaborate pranks were pulled on Randy that I would feel guilty just by association except that his reactions encouraged us and with his rank he could have brought it all to an end at any time.
Keeping in mind that there are only two jobs where you make money lying on your back, one of my favorites was a time when Randy had to take the morning off. I'm not sure whose idea it was for this prank. Randy's bunk was next to a wall with a door to a locker room. An IV line was run from underneath his mattress pad, to the wall, under the door (which had to be taken off to shave the corner to fit the tubing) and into the first locker. At 2 am the next morning, an IV bag (Saline?) was warmed in the microwave to about body temp and hooked up to the IV line. The bag was squeezed until it was empty. Then the line was slowly pulled out.
Randy (who had a new baby at home) awoke the next morning thinking that he (Randy) had wet the bed. He was unusually quiet that morning as he took the sheets off his bunk. He might have suffered longer had someone not audibly snickered.
He thought he knew who did it and vowed revenge,... but that is another story.
By way of background, I am retired from a Fire dept. Some of my favorite memories revolve around pranks. Most of the best of those revolved around a Capt we'll call Randy. I only did a very few minor annoyances on Randy myself. We had several people, who if a living could be made perpetrating pranks, would have been millionaires. So many elaborate pranks were pulled on Randy that I would feel guilty just by association except that his reactions encouraged us and with his rank he could have brought it all to an end at any time.
Keeping in mind that there are only two jobs where you make money lying on your back, one of my favorites was a time when Randy had to take the morning off. I'm not sure whose idea it was for this prank. Randy's bunk was next to a wall with a door to a locker room. An IV line was run from underneath his mattress pad, to the wall, under the door (which had to be taken off to shave the corner to fit the tubing) and into the first locker. At 2 am the next morning, an IV bag (Saline?) was warmed in the microwave to about body temp and hooked up to the IV line. The bag was squeezed until it was empty. Then the line was slowly pulled out.
Randy (who had a new baby at home) awoke the next morning thinking that he (Randy) had wet the bed. He was unusually quiet that morning as he took the sheets off his bunk. He might have suffered longer had someone not audibly snickered.
He thought he knew who did it and vowed revenge,... but that is another story.
Wednesday, August 09, 2006
...and I admit I'm powerless over pictures of my new kitten
This is only one of about 12. I SWEAR this blog is not about cat pictures.
Monday, August 07, 2006
More cat pics
Due to the high percentage of requests for more cat pictures, we have a picture of our almost 20 yr old Michaela, not too happy about having a rambunctious kitten around. And a, just a little late, picture of her letting Lily know about her Feelings.
The percentage of requests was 100% gleened from another blog where I found out only "members" could leave comments and I am the only member. I have been called a member before, but it didn't sound like a compliment.
Sunday, August 06, 2006
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