One of my new favorite blogs made the point that basically poop stories are popular. Then at another new favorite site, "Norman" had a pretty good body fluid story. Both of which reminded me of a Fire department poop story.
Background- Most departments work a 24 hour shift, changing at about 8am. The oncoming shift, after coffee and conversations spends an hour or two cleaning the station. So you're cleaning someone else's mess. There is pressure to NOT leave too much of a mess, The alternative, always threatened, is to get up extra early and clean the station before you leave.
At some point, the waking shifts began finding the primary toilet unflushed every morning. Nobody seems to have said anything, but certainly there must have been suspects. (Since it wasn't being talked about, nobody realized it was happening on ALL three shifts. One morning, a shift awoke to find a runny pool of excrement IN FRONT of the toilet, with shitty footprints leading to a shower stall. So NOW they're ALL talking about it. WHO DID IT! And nobody was going to clean it up, because that would be confessing! 8am is approaching, the oncoming shift hears about it, "well somebody damn sure better clean it up, we're not going to do it!"
Finally, Ed, one of the best, most consciencious guys I ever worked with, who also had cooked a very spicy meal the evening before, cleaned it up using the bath towels provided by a towel service. The "used" towels were put in the hamper by the back door for pick up.
The story has two lines at this point.
First part, the oncoming shift had a "Good Ol' Boy" captain who liked to work on his car after hours. Typically, when called for dinner, he would walk in the back door, grab a used towel to wipe his face and then his hands so he didn't soil the bathroom sink too badly with grease etc.
Need I say more? I would would have been off on stress disability. As it was, I almost had to go home because my sides hurt so much from laughing.
Second Part, Now that we're all talking, it becomes apparent that "The Mad Shitter" is not from within. Suspicious looking feces have been found outside on nights when the front door was locked. (It was a simpler time) The captain, now highly motivated to capture the fiend, sets a trap. He goes to Radio Shack, and get a motion detector and rigs the alarm to a light by his bed. The front door is left unlocked, at about 5am, the motion detector is tripped. Forces are gathered, a little time passes. The assembled firefighters rush into the bathroom and find the paperboy, with his pants down, taking a dump. It seems the lad had issues. He was hauled away by the PD. We had a new paperdelivery person after that.